So what, did he fly here? Or maybe teleport?

The latest bile to emerge from the Pakistani Foreign Office: Kasab and the others didn't get to Mumbai via sea at all. Somewhat puzzling is the very next statement: "The terrorist attacks reflect a complete failure of the Indian Navy." Huh? And of course, they don't let go a single opportunity to bring in some dispute or the other into any discussion: Patrolling the seas is diffucult due to the contested nature of Sir Creek. Really? A 56km long dried up creek makes it hard to patrol your 1000 km long coastline?

I met the guy who invented :-)

Talk about an accomplishment that will be remembered forever. Here at CMU's Language Technologies Institute, I met Prof. Scott Fahlman, who in addition to doing some totally awesome research in the field of Artificial Intelligence, also basically invented :-) and :-( twenty seven years ago. He likes to play it down, but the fact is, he's added new letters to the alphabet of every language in the world. You can read his own, gripping account of how he came up with the smileys here.

Thakeray, Modi and the BJP leadership.

In an interesting revelation, Thakeray claims to have saved Modi from being axed in 2002 after the riots. Considering the man's tendency to overstate things, I'm not so sure all credit is due entirely to him, but it seems plausible that he must've had some role to play in Modi's survival. And that raises the issue of Modi's relationship with the BJP elders. It's no secret that Vajpayee has been less than warm towards Modi since 2002, but Advani is a different, and fascinating case. His consistent, effusive praise for Modi over the years and his gratitude towards Modi for ensuring that his prestigious Gandhinagar Lok Sabha seat has stayed safely in the hands of the BJP all these years seem to suggest that in addition to the BJP's rank-and-file and well wishers, Advani himself probably wants Modi to take over the BJP top spot once he retires. If that ensures a smooth succesion down the line, that's good news for the BJP and the country.

Yes, but who's their Jack Donaghy?

Here's a compare and contrast that 30 Rock fans will find spot-on (non 30 Rock viewers are also encouraged to check it out, it's hilarious): Bobby Jindal as Kenneth the Page. Sounds far-fetched? Just take a look. While we're on the subject of 30 Rock, it's another terrific but underappreciated sitcom, in the vein of Arrested Development. For anyone who thinks that television simply must do better than churning out lame, cliched, unfunny rehashes of Golden Era sitcoms such as Friends or Seinfeld (How I Met Your Mother comes to mind), 30 Rock is definitely worth a shot.

P.S. Apologies for the absence from posting, was travelling. First impressions of Pittsburgh: picturesque, with plenty of nice eating joints.

TOI Stupidity watch

Something tells me this is going to be a pretty regular feature on this blog. You can't blame me though, TOI is the gift that keeps on giving. Anyway, spotted in today's edition, a question asked by its Resident Editor:

Seven years after the 2002 riots, can Gandhi's Gujarat give peace a chance?

Hmm...I wasn't aware that Gujarat's been without peace the past seven years. Seriously, why do we let our media get away with passing off their half-baked delusions as insightful analysis?

Jai Ho, Congress remix

When it comes to pulling crap out of their asses, no one can come even close to the level of expertise achieved by the Congress. The latest:

In an unmistakable resonance of the previous NDA government's `India Shining' slogan, Congress floated the idea of an `achieving India' and listed among the milestones the Indo-US nuclear deal, Chandrayaan, near 9% growth and the total sweep of the Oscars

And let's not forget the innumerable terror strikes, my dear Conressmen.

...party spokesman Abhishek Singhvi went a few steps ahead and termed Slumdog Millionaire "a film of India, for India, by India" and talked about the "conducive atmosphere with emphasis on good governance contributing to an achieving India".

Have you even seen the movie Mr. Singhvi ? It doesn't show "good governance" in Mumbai, it shows a complete lack of anything resembling mediocre, let alone good governance.

And the kicker:

"There are parties drawing us back to the dark ages," he said. Making the reference to the rival BJP clear, Singhvi targeted L K Advani for the "gimmickry of rath yatras and pumping iron before the cameras."

It seems to me that things like one family dynastic rule and cowering before foreign aggression are much better examples of India's dark ages.

(Hat Tip: Rahul P.)

Why shouldn't Shitibank be bailed out?

This is why. No one this stupid should be allowed to run a roadside food stand, let alone a bank.

Oscars watch, II: Slumdog v TDK

A friend points out that it's absurd to consider Slumdog a better movie than The Dark Knight. Now, I loved Slumdog, and am pretty okay with it winning, especially considering the kind of movies that have won in recent years. But the fact is, TDK does kick Slumdog's ass. So why did TDK fare so miserably in the Oscars' sweepstakes?

a) It's beneath the Academy's "dignity" to be seen giving the award to an action movie, and a superhero one at that.

b) Although TDK was terrific, the West is no stranger to the genre. On the other hand, before Slumdog, how many people here had even heard of the word 'slum'?

Captain Obvious to the rescue.

So one of my friends sees the blog link and promptly says:

"nice name for the blog..

perfect adjective before your name...:P"

Witty.

Oscars watch

As expected, Slumdog won in the best movie and best director categories. What wasn't expected was 8! (not 8 factorial, just 8!!) awards. Kudos to the entire cast and crew, but Danny Boyle in particular. And despite the fact that there's plenty to be displeased about in the movie's portrayal of India, the fact is, on a deeper level, it's a loving look at India, and when most western audiences leave the theaters, their predominant emotion towards the India shown in the movie is in one of affection, not judgement.

Update: Almost criminal of me to not mention Heath Ledger in a post called Oscars watch. Has there ever been a more deserving contender for an Oscar?

Update II: What is it with the Academy and straight dudes playing gay roles? Giving it to Sean Penn for Milk strongly reminds one of Tom Hanks and Philadelphia. (Not that there's anything wrong with it.)

And also your clothes, shoes and vehicle.

Filed under the unintentionally hilarious dept:

Schwarzenegger To GOP Governors: Give Me Your Unwanted Stimulus Money

Conjures up the image of Arnold beating Sanford and Jindal silly till they start pleading "Here. Just take it and go".

Sunday Reading

It's that time of the week again: Sunday, when op-ed pages overfloweth with delicious opiniony goodness.

Kanchan Gupta has an excellent column in the Daily Pioneer about how India is as ill prepared to deal with the Taliban as Pakistan has proved to be. Money quote:

When the Government decides to reward the families of slain jihadis, it sends out a loud message to Muslims: Take up the gun, die in action, ensure a better life for your families. By casting aspersions on Delhi Police and accusing them of killing ‘innocent’ Muslims, the Prime Minister’s Cabinet colleagues encourage moderates to turn extremists. When madarsas are euologised and Saraswati Sishu Mandir schools are relentlessly demonised, the ulema feel sufficiently emboldened to include hate in their teachings. When the Government slyly allows the setting up of qazi courts, which dispense justice according to shari’ah, and lets them function without so much as a whimper of protest, it tells Muslims that India’s secular justice system is incapable of protecting their interests. When a wholly illegitimate All-India Muslim Personal Law Board is allowed to dictate how Muslims should run their personal lives, the state abdicates its responsibility to its citizens. As in Pakistan, here too the Government has come to believe that Islam is a substitute for jobs, housing and health services. Azamgarh to Alappuzha, Dibrugarh to Dharwad, a fetid swamp similar to that of Pakistan’s is spreading; the ‘Indian Mujahideen’ are the produce of this swamp.

The distance between Swat Valley and Islamabad is 160 km. Jamia Nagar is in Delhi.

Also in the Pioneer is a biting piece by Chandan Mitra about Marxist dogma masquerading as history in Indian textbooks. Highlight:

The mindset of Marxist historiography is besotted with demolishing popular faiths and beliefs. In their arrogance, these historians assumed that people knew nothing; that all they believed from legends and tales was erroneous; and they must be rescued from blind faith and superstition. This zeal is comparable to that of the white missionaries who came to India and Africa convinced they had to deliver the ignorant inhabitants from the Dark Ages. Take Romila Thapar’s book on the Somnath temple that I reviewed in February 2004 for India Today. The entire exercise, albeit scholarly, was undertaken to exonerate Mahmud of Ghazni of his criminal offence in ransacking the splendid shrine. She takes pains to point out conflicting contemporary accounts to suggest nothing so traumatic happened. I have no doubt that under the new dispensation, this is the kind of history that shall be prescribed in schools. Short of exhorting children to offer prayers to Mahmud of Ghazni, Mohammad Ghauri, Nadir Shah and Aurangzeb, our new textbooks will do everything to run down all indigenous achievements. Maharana Pratap, for example, finds just a one-line reference in the SCERT book and Aryabhata none!

Why does any of this matter? Because history is more than dry facts and dates. It shapes our perception of who we are as a civilization. And too often, Marxist dogma is used as a tool to try to make us feel ashamed of our (pre-muslim) past. I can understand the communist parties subscribing to such faux historians, it's entirely in keeping with their character. But what excuse does the Congress have?

More fantastic analysis by Dasgupta and MJ Akbar. I can't get over how awesome a newspaper the Pioneer is, and how woefully unknown it is in India, relative to scum like the Times of India. Reading TOI's op-ed pages is more painful than a root canal, and at least the root canal serves a purpose! (And the less said about NDTV or IBN the better) I guess I should be grateful it even exists, I don't know what I would've done without it.

Meanwhile, Friedman is creative, if a bit zany, and Rich is a tour de force. Nothing new there. More gratitude is in order, this time for the NYT.